Most seasoned men know that Mothers Day simply means that any projects previously in the "honey do" cue now take on an exponential importance and so they wisely prepare in advance.
Weeks before Mothers Day we up the caffeine, try to get plenty of rest (aka "why are you just sitting around?") and formulating our best "less is more" strategy.
The "less is more" strategy is where a guy tries to make a simpler project look much, much more difficult than it really is so that when he finally tackles it he appears to have done something monumental. Remember: perception IS reality!
That brings us to MY or should I say HER Mothers Day project: the dreaded pergola!
The queen bee has been prompting me to build a pergola for her climbing, vining plants and I, of course, have been resisting, using the typical male counter-arguments like "Uh, well, I'll need to do some measuring there" and "Gosh, I'm going to have to figure out what type of soil is under there because is could be hazardous" and finally employing the: "I need to draw out a diagram to scale with plants, buildings, shrubs, etc. It could take weeks" defense.
But Mothers Day negates all such sanity. It's the "Get out of jail free" card of projects and once laid on the table it has to be accepted and implemented. But, we seasoned men scoff at this "Get this project done" card and face it head on! We take this simple project and twist it around to our advantage and use it to buy ourselves new saws, hammers, nails we don't need, tools we'll never use all in the name of "The Mothers Day" project! Ha! We scoff at your project! Mothers Day has become Fathers Covert Tool Day! Haaaaa, haaaa, haaaaaaaaa!
So, we come full circle to the queen bees most recent project: the pergola. On first glance this was just a matte of digging four holes for posts and then attaching 2x4's to the top for strength and looks.
But, seasoned vet that I am, I announced that this project was very, very advanced and would need rented, very advanced post hole diggers; laser levels with geo-tracking that produced holograms of the posts in their places along with any neighboring sheds, dog houses or garages; quick drying cements, land graders, fiber optics, satellite images and so much more.
I appeared to sweat just at the thought of starting the project, but, admitted that since it was Mothers Day I would suck it up as best I could and accomplish the task no matter how many blisters, splinters or decafs I had to endure!
We'll cut this short (maybe because I have to take someone to get a Mothers Day ice cream cone, maybe not) and show the photos.
Ray is part of the Ray and Randi duo, who actually don't live on the farm. They have a micro-homestead in Gilmanton, but are VERY active over at IFP and are guest bloggers for them.
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